Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
