who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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