You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
