see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
