pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My vagina just recognized that song.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
