The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
