I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Holy shit dude........stairs
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