Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
