I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
