i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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