Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
