My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
