when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
