Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
