he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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