You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
