they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
