why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
