I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
