Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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