You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
