Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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