it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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