Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
