I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
