woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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