I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
