from now on my penis is your penis
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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