fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
