I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
