if you like me you must not know who I am
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
