it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
