can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
