Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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