Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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