I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
