If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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