how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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