she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
