I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
