That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
