im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
