i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
