it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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