i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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