Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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