Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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