how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
