he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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