sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
