GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
