I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
